Wicked Wednesday
A comment that keeps crossing my inbox, whether in the form of reviews or from authors I beta for is that, “Lemons are hard to write.” So I decided to put together a “Do and Don’t list of writing smut. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t claim to be the expert on all things smut, but I do have some personal experience and friends who let me quote them.
DO write from experience. If you and your partner occasionally bring in a third person, go ahead and write about it! It’s a wonderful insight for others.
On the flip side, if you’re V-card has not been swiped, DON’T attempt smut. We can tell.
DO be realistic. CapriciousC had this to say, “I’ve noticed that more often than not, Edward is *cough* really well-endowed. Doesn’t make me cringe, but it is kind of funny that he has acquired some of the characteristics of a porn star .” To which Mac214 replied, “I agree, though – Edward always seems to be hiding an anaconda in his pants.” Makes me wonder what would happen if someone wrote Big E with a tiny penis. *winks at mac*
Along the same lines, people portray a virgin Bella having multiple orgasms and Edward being a “sex god,” as if this was the norm for a couple’s first-time. Sometimes I’m curious if people actually remember their first-time or if we have all unconsciously blocked them from our memories.
If you are writing canon, DO keep the sex talk in character. I love a dirty-talking Edward as much as the next person, but do you really think that on Isle Esme, in that big white bed, he was telling Bella, “I want shove my 14 inch cock into your dripping cunt.” I really don’t think so.
Speaking of dirty talk, What is it with the phrase “Come for me!” Who orgasms on demand? I was rolling when I read this comment from Strider, “That ‘Come now,’ thing happens in romance novels all the time, and I always think, ‘Yeah, I figured I would…but thanks for the permission…’ Here’s a great comment from Mac, “Every time I read ‘Come now’ I think of being trained like a damn dog or a performing seal or something. I always imagine that treats are involved… like if Bella comes on command, she gets a piece of kibble.”
DO build the anticipation, but DON’T leave us hanging. Here’s a really awesome example from tiffnichols, “There’s not much BxE smut that I won’t read. But I really hate when an author teases. I don’t mean when they tease for purposes of creating sexual tension. I’m talking about the ones who start out the lemon & sort of chicken out and abandon it halfway through, like writing all the foreplay & then ending it swiftly with something like “He entered me and we had the best sex EVAR.”.
I asked the ladies what some of the most overused phrases were, here is what they came up with:
tongues battling for dominance
curves in all the right places (I guess as opposed to those of us who’ve had a few kids and now have them in the wrong places?)
bundle of nerves
heated, dripping core
twitchy cocks or throbbing members
Granting entrance ( Who actually consciously thinks that if they are sucking face?)
Tasting like mint
Hitting back of throat
Using hand on part that doesn’t fit in mouth
Releasing with a pop
Whimpering at loss of contact
Drinking every drop offered
Using one or two of these is okay, but using all of them will read like a Harlequin romance.
Here’s one last DO, (so someone send me a pop-tart) read this week’s Wicked Wednesdays submission!
I have two fantastic authors to present to you this week. Lilacs46 and ShellsBells collaborated to write an amazing hot one-shot. I took a bit of time and interviewed them.
Sirenastarot: Most fan fic is based on books, what is your favorite book?
Lilacs46: Memories of a Geisha. It was the first book I read from cover to cover. It got me into reading.
ShellsBells: Hmm… fav book. Damn, there are so many. One of my favs is To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. I remember the first time I read it, I was filled with such horror at the racism and bigotry that it depicted.
ST: How did you discover fan fiction?
SB: I was lurking on Rob’s imdb board (naturally) and found the FF Thread.
L46: Same thing for me.
SB: I immediately felt at home there and started reading some of the stuff.
ST: I know it’s cliché, but who is your favorite Twilight character?
L46: Believe it or not, Rosalie. She is a tortured soul. I think her bitchiness is a cover-up because of what she lost when she became a vampire. What woman wouldn’t be angry to realize their dream of having a child would never become a reality.
SB: Duh…. That is tough…, No really – That’s tough. EDWARD
lol For me, I have always had a fascination for vamps so it was never a question of liking Bella or Jacob. But Edward specifically… his character is deeply troubled and tortured – he is very self-effacing even though he shows off. Plus, he is waaaaaay cute.
L46: Edward or Rob? I already know the answer to that one.
SB: uhm… Edward is cute. Rob is fecking hot!
L46: yup, I agree.
SB: Oh… and Edward is the quintessential ideal man!
ST: Okay both of y’all.
SB: Sorry, ideal = perfect lol
ST: What would be your vamp power?
L46: Mind control.
ST: Why?
L46: Because you would never have to worry about being attacked. You could make them change their mind. I’d never use a power like that to lure a lover though because I wouldn’t want someone to be with me because I made them.
SB: Vamp power – I think I would stick with reading peoples minds. I am fascinated by what makes people tick, why they do or say what they do.
SB:Hell, if I had mind control, I would use it on hubby!
L46: But, I may reconsider that if it were Rob.
ST: Last question, you guys decided to co-write the one-shot. What makes co-authoring work?
L46: hmm, well, one thing that I learn is that you need to make sure e-mails go through.
SB: For me, co-authoring is probably one of the most difficult things to do.
L46: Because missed communication is not a good thing. What makes it work? I don’t know, I guess when its finished then I will know. That made no sense. lol
SB: A o/s is relatively okay, but a full blown fic takes a lot of trust and appreciation of the other persons work, thoughts and ability.
.L46: One word communication. You have to have that to make it work.
SB: Agreed.
Thanks ladies!
Here’s their teaser:
“There you are,” he said as he came to stand directly behind her. She could feel his warm breath on her neck, sending goose bumps all over her skin. “
You can find their story on both LJ accounts http://shellsbells.livejournal.com/ and http://lilacs46.livejournal.com/
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