Also a public apology is in order for airing our dirty laundry, for lack of a better term. I hadn’t quite thought this all the way through, and if I had I wouldn’t have bothered at all. Commenting on your topic posting helped me get a lot stuff off of my chest, and I feel much better since doing so. Unfortunately this has also caused the ruination of Valentine’s Day for the woman I love, and for that I apologize profusely (again, already have directly).

On to the matter at hand, you say he isn’t a writer at all? I think you should mention it to him nevertheless, because I can truly say that I have found it very cathartic expressing myself here. If he is anything like me, he doesn’t have female friends to talk to when anything concerning Twilight is bothering him. I know I don’t. Just to get another female opinion from someone helps immensely. I also assume that, like me, he sure as hell isn’t going to bring it up with the guys!

I don’t really read anything she writes either, I’ll admit. I have read a few topics she herself created, but I have not read any of her stories or postings on others topics. As I said, the only reason for me to do this at all is in the hopes that by taking an interest in what interests her, it will bring us a little closer (not going about it the best way so far, I know). The next time he pleads with you to put down the laptop, and says that you spend too much time on the computer, ask him if he wants to help with story ideas. I don’t mean asking him just to get him off your back, but it at least gives him an option to become involved in something that interests you so much.

And I know that your situation, and hers, stem from a love of writing and not from the guys involved. Just be careful to check that all the things that come along with your writing on websites other than time spent doesn’t affect him as it did me. Then again, I have already stated my insecurity problems and he may not have the same problems I do! Once I realized that what you stated was correct about not seeking things and not making up for things lacking in the marriage, my mind was really put at ease, so thank you for that. And I have been reassured that Mrs. Saluki does feel the same way.

I am grateful to all of you for providing a place for you and her and everyone else to write, to express yourselves, to get feelings out, complain about husbands, etc. etc. :) I only know a few of you, but I know what great people you all are. I am pround that Saluki, like you, has also found this community of like-minded women to cultivate friendships with.

Well, I’m pretty much signing off for the near future. As I said, I realize I’m killing independent George just by being here. I don’t want her or any of you not to post something because you think a guy might read it, and I really don’t want her participation to drop off at all. Thank you, Jules. And you too, Susan. Let me know if there is anything I can do in the future. I may even have something to submit from time to time. Take care of yourselves.

Steve

P.S. –

Mrs Saluki – I know. xoxoxoxo

I truly appreciate the thoughts from the other side…unfortunately my other half is not a writer (he’s more of a musician) and I probably couldn’t get him to register for this site (he barely reads anything I write).

I would like to say that all of this truly and unexpectedly caught me off guard. I didn’t think I would ever enter a “fandom” in such a way and I certainly didn’t expect to develop such good friendships out of it. Sure, I like to look at the pictures of certain actors that play vampires and I can’t deny that I have an attraction to said actors, but that could never replace what I have with my husband nor does it make me feel any less attracted to him. I love him above all else, despite my divided attention these days.

Concerning Vegas, I understand your concern and to answer you, yes, my husband is concerned about my safety and trusts me but not “the guys.” I get where both of you are coming from with this, but honestly, I’m a strong, capable woman in her thirties and will be surrounded with other women. We will look out for each other and have security in numbers. I wouldn’t be going if I didn’t believe that.

That brings me to my next point. When it comes down to it, this isn’t all about ogling the men of Twilight or the Vampire Diaries, or about me seeking out something because there’s something lacking in our marriage; it’s more about discovering these amazing, like minded women and cultivating my friendships with them.

All of that being said, I thank you for reminding me to pay a little more attention to the man I love. Sometimes I take all the time we have for granted, but it’s not because I don’t love him. I’m positive Mrs. Saluki feels the same way.

jsyk. Noone screws with mah girls.

You see, I can sympathize with your husband. Saluki has the same problem. And yes, her spending a large amount of her time on the computer does bother me. Unfortunately, I think that both you and her misunderstand what the problem is that your husband and I both have. (Or the problem that just I have. Sorry, I am making assumptions here on your situation, so please bear with me).

My problem with all of this is not time spent on the computer. My problem is with all of the slobbering over the male vampires. It’s the pictures of shirtless Edward Cullen on the laptop background, the shirtless Salvatore whats-his-name guy on the twitter page, on the t-shirts, writing fan fics and skype sessions talking about these guys. I mean, seriously, have you read her topic posting “stray thoughts” 2-10-10? Do you think we shouldn’t have a problem when you guys write stuff like that? Maybe he hasn’t read anything you write, I don’t know. Like I said, I apologize for making assumptions. But I do know that when I read that stray thoughts post it really, really hurt. What she had on her Twitter page made me cry.

She said in her reply that “I just can’t make him understand that this is all about so much more than just Twilight”. Yet she doesn’t explain to me what the hell that means. Doesn’t ever even try, really. Although to be fair to her, I don’t know if I would try to understand if she did.

I know that to me, and perhaps this is your husband’s problem too, it always feels like I have to compete for your attention, and affection (and sometimes attraction) with these 22 year old kids that get to spend 5 hours a day working on their abs. Have you asked him if it is only the time you spend writing that bothers him?

Since the release of Twilight, and more so since this website got up and running, sometimes it does seem as if she has drifted farther and farther away from me. Have you noticed this happening in your marriage?

I try very hard to be the best husband I can possibly be. I hold down a professional job. She tells me I am atttractive, but maybe she’s just being nice! I cook dinner more than half the time, and try to do at least half of the cleaning every week (except cleaning the bathroom, I hate cleaning the bathroom) along with all the other guy stuff like taking out the garbage and mowing the grass. Lately, I have tried even harder. Over the last year alone I have lost almost 30 pounds, down to a svelt 175; I have taught myself how to play the guitar, and am now taking lessons every week in the hopes it would make me a cooler guy to be married to; I have pretty much completely stopped drinking.

Yet no matter what I do, there she is on a website (like this one) with shirtless twilight vampire guys, reading and writing stories, and talking on the phone or instant messaging about twilight. I have my own shortcomings, of course. I am not “sex personified”, or particularly dangerous. I am insecure (that’s right, I can admit it) about myself. After reading this, you probably also think I have a tendency to whine! And recently I grew a beard. She says she likes it, but she might be humoring me about the level of attractiveness it adds.

Like your husband, I also have problems with her going to Twicon. Mostly it’s about her going to Las Vegas without me. Not that I don’t trust her, but I don’t trust some deusch bag in a club not to slip a mickey into her drink. Perhaps he is only worried for your safety? But I digress.

As you said, this situation does leave me with more time to do things I like to do, such as playing the guitar and reading. But still, I would give all that up to have just a little more attention, and affection.

I love Saluki with every nebulous part of me that could possibly be considered my soul. And I’ll be damned if I am going to lose her to some idealized boy-toy character from a teenager’s novel. I am going to fight for her.

LOL. That sounds absurd, does it not? Fight a fictional creation? She would also probably claim I need do no such thing. Yet I hesitate to believe that, mostly because I don’t know how long I can deal with a wife who has begun to treat me this way. I have to do something.

So, the first thing I am going to do is fight fire with fire. As soon as I finish posting this, I am going to register here on the site and try to take an interest in all things vampire fiction. I hope that by sharing her interests, instead of shaking my head at them or ignoring them, will help me regain the Saluki I married six and a half years ago. Or at least one that is as interested in me as much as that Saluki was.

I have already submitted a historical document about vampire folklore throughout the world here on the site, taken several college-level writing courses, and I have recently completed writing the seventh (draft) chapter of a book about Pre-Roman Italian history. I assume I can do vampire fiction as well.

Perhaps you could mention this to him as a possibility? Does he enjoy writing? I’m more than willing to commiserate with him.

If that doesn’t work, I’ll try theatre makeup to make myself pale, and lipstick. Or something. And I’m going to keep trying, because I don’t want to ever look back and say that I could have done more to keep from losing the greatest gift God ever gave me.

Anyways, sorry for the wall of text, had to get that off my chest. Tell your husband for me not to give up! And if Saluki doesn’t kill me for posting such personal stuff, I hope to see if you have any more thoughts!