Speak sweetly: someday you may have to eat your words
Words are powerful things. I think we all know that to be true, but it seems that all too often we forget how powerful words really can be, particularly when we are communicating over the Internet. The halls of my Jr. High were plastered with cheesy slogans, inspirational messages, and other words of wisdom that were either ignored or mocked at the time. However, one in particular has stuck with me through the years, even though I didn’t really didn’t fully understand it at the time: “Speak sweetly: someday you may have to eat your words”.
For some reason, many people feel the anonymity of the Internet gives them cart blanch to say whatever they are thinking, no matter how offensive, rude, or hurtful it may be. So, to start out, let me tell everyone who might not know, my name is Heather. This blog is my opinion and is not meant to reflect on anyone else at MVF. Hopefully it isn’t rude or disrespectful, but if someone takes offense at what I say there is a little comment box below, or my email is heather@myvampfiction.com
I see this type of passive aggressive behavior every day on Twitter, FaceBook, and blogs of all kinds. For instance, here are some blog comments I ran across today:
Right Killer????????????? Your not only a racist, your an idiot!
You people are either a.) just stupid, b.) a redneck, c.) a republican, or d.) a PANSY!
The only stupid person in the thread would be you.
You people are crazy. Move out of the ghetto and you won’t have these problems. My god
It always makes me wonder if the person hiding behind the screen name would be as willing to stand in front of an audience and say the exact same words. Something tells me that in a large number of cases, the answer would be a resounding no. To those people I won’t say, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all,” but rather, if you won’t say it to a person’s face, don’t say it over the Internet. If you do, don’t hide behind an avatar or screen name. Own what you say and be prepared to take whatever consequences might come your way. God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.
And this is not directed at a particular blog or person in the fandom. As I said, I see it all over the Internet. For instance, the quotes above were in response to a blog on a news site. I am astounded on a daily basis how vicious people can be online, particularly when they are on opposing sides of an issue. I have no problem with engaging in a healthy, spirited debate. However, I am always dismayed when Anonymous Commenter 1 and Anonymous Commenter 2 engage in a mud slinging argument on line. Own what you say and say it as if the person were right in front of you. In my opinion, just because you are typing something from the comfort of your home or office doesn’t mean that civility should go out the window.
I know I stepped up on my soapbox today, but this is an issue that has really been bothering me for quite awhile and I really felt the need to talk about it. Maybe I’m too much of an idealist; maybe I’m naive; or, maybe I’ve just clung to the good old fashioned values I was raised with. Whatever it is, I believe in doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. Go ahead and disagree with someone, but do it in a civilized, respectful way and for goodness sake, don’t hide behind some made up name to do it.
Remember, being respectful, even when you disagree with someone doesn’t make you weak, it makes you an adult.
My name is Heather and I have approved this message ;)
Meesh- my brother and I were both born out of wedlock and we turned out fine. And I’ve actually been told that my mother should have aborted me when she got pregnant. I lit into that person and explained how my parents tried for 2 years to get pregnant with me and that my mother had suffered 3 miscarriages before I was born. Needless to say, she didn’t reply.
Meesh – Wow… just… wow. I had the completely unsolicited opinion from a former roommate who felt the need to list off reasons why I wasn’t “wife material” when I started dating my husband. In retrospect, I realize she was a bitch and an idiot whose opinion didn’t matter one iota, but those words really stuck with me.
I happen to be fairly sensitive, so negative criticisms are a bit difficult for me to simply brush off. It’s something I’m working on, but I would’ve been crushed if someone had said something that truly horrible to me (Really, a selfish slut for not aborting a child?).
Wow. That’s all I have to say. In that case, I’m glad you’re “Selfish”. *lol* I’m sure Angela is too.
Oh, and Sue, someone actually told me once that I was a terrible person for not aborting Angela when I got pregnant out of wedlock. She called me a gold digging welfare slut and that had I been a responsible person, I would have aborted her.
Read that again, because yeah, it does take a second to sink in. Being referred to as selfish for not aborting a child. My answer to her wasn’t PG-13, so I’ll refrain, but it amazes me what people will spew to complete strangers.
I don’t think this is idealistic or naive. I think it’s quite reasonable to expect adults to behave like adults. I can’t even think about the type of person who would tell a person they should have been drowned at birth – but perhaps that person should look in a mirror and ask themselves what kind of mom they had, and didn’t that mom teach them better manners. My mom smacked that shit out of me by the time I was five.
I say nothing online that I’m not willing to say in real life. So when I say something outrageous or nasty in an email or a post, it’s something that will come out of my mouth in front of whomever it’s aimed at. I don’t get cowardice and hiding behind the anonymity of the internet. And I sure don’t get having cyber-balls. If you don’t have ‘em in real life, having them on the internets don’t make you a man. :o) And there is my nasty truth for the day.
Thanks, Heather. Much like you, I’m proud to co-own a site where we try to stick to these ideals.
Sue, I <3 you too! *mwahs*
Char, I <3 you. I just want you to know that. Your comments are very very true.
The PM thing really soured me to the fandom. I mean, this is fan fiction, not the cure for cancer. Some people take it entirely too seriously. I am not excluding myself from this category as I have just spent a week stressing myself over reader voted fan fiction awards. However, to take it to a point where someone feels the need to say such vile things towards a person…it’s just ridiculous.
Okay, I’m stepping down from my soapbox.
I totally agree with you. It seems like having a keyboard and web access automatically gives you balls and you start spouting off shit that you normally wouldn’t say to anyone’s face. The anonymity of the internet CAN be a good thing–for instance, anyone trying to steal your identity, stalk you, or worse–but a lot of fidiots out there are ruining it.
That whole bad apple spoiling the bunch thing…and what’s worse is that sometimes, people who receive those bad comments or PMs or whatever end up solely focusing on those and it ruins their whole outlook on the fandom and they just leave it. And like you said, one day, it’s just gonna destroy the whole damn thing.
Twilight was originally intended as a young adult novel, and while it’s audience has grown past that and extended into other age groups, it seems like some people in the fandom still have the maturity level of those original marketing targets.
“many people feel the anonymity of the Internet gives them cart blanch to say whatever they are thinking, no matter how offensive, rude, or hurtful it may be. ”
This comment couldn’t be any truer. Basic human civilty goes out the window on the internet, because the anonymity of hiding behind a username makes some people think that their words have no consequences. Unfortunately, we can’t force people to interact in the same respectful manner that they (hopefully) would in “real life.”
-Kari
*round of applause* Whoohoo! Well said!! Finally someone has the balls to say this. And don’t worry about being on a soapbox. Every now and then, someone’s gotta do it. Sucks, but it’s true. And you have my utmost respect for it, ma’am! *more applause* here here!
Thanks, Char – It feels like it has become acceptable just to spew whatever vile, hateful thing that comes to your mind out there and it’s just accepted. For instance, I recently heard that a person in the Twifandom received a PM stating that she should have been drowned at birth. Seriously? How could you think it’s okay to say that to another person? I think those of us who encounter that type of behavior need to call it out instead of sitting by and saying nothing. I know that I don’t want to see the fandom ruined by hateful people, but that is what is going to happen eventually.
Well said Heather!
I just want to say to your beautiful face that I can’t wait to meet you in person! It is refreshing to see someone step out from behind the avatar and address the frequent occurrence of passive aggressive behavior on the internet.
My dad (who grew up in the 1930s/1940s) once reminded me to “Treat yourself with your head, and others with your heart.” I try to live every day by those words. Treating others with “your heart” means to me that you are commited to showing respect and regard to others, even if you don’t agree. There are plenty of ways to engage in healthy debate without being nasty or unjustifiably cruel.
Great thoughts, as always! :)