True Blood’s Alive & On Fire

Posted by Bulletsucker in True Blood | 3 comments

Truebies, this week’s episode proved that everything from naked men to incest are still alive and on fire in Louisiana. Let’s start with the most naked and least incestual vamp on the show: Drunk Eric.

"Hey baby, whas happenin'? You look good enough to eat."

After finishing off Sookie’s faery godmother, Claudine, Eric is slizzard, yo! Yeah, faeries affect vamps the same way Bella affects Edward– faes are their personal brand of heroine. Cutest Eric part of the night? He starts playing grab-ass with Sook, leading her to say, “Did you just pinch my butt?”

Of course, the Norseman responds, “Beautiful butt… heh heh heh.” Does she take advantage of the situation, and jump his bones? No. Hmph. What’s most annoying, though, is that Sookie, who obvi has no idea how to use her female charms to get Eric inside the house, talks to him like a uncompliant infant: “You can’t have any more. There isn’t anymore. You drank the whole faery, and you’re going to your room.” Eric is all later, mom, and beelines it for the forest.

Damn, Sookie-- stuck between a rock and a wet place.

He stays out all night, into the day, as Sookie and Alcide (in wolf form) look for him. They finally find him skinny-dipping in a “krokodiler”-infested lake, get his neked-ass home and into his cubby, and call it a day.

Thank you for that scene, HBO. It was amply drool-inducing.

Cue: Bonnie Tyler's I Need a Hero

Speaking of neked mens, Jason escapes the gang-bang known as Hot Shot, kills Felton, and passes out on the side of the road. Hoyt and Jessica find him, and to revive him, Jess feeds him her blood. Is this Jason’s final fall off the V bandwagon? Will that Mother Theresa view of Jessica cause Jason to fall in love with his best friend’s girl? Can TB connect these two storylines in a more awkward or convenient way? Do you care?

Talk about awkward...where is the effing door?

No? Then let’s move on to other incest, shall we?

Bill & Portia visit Caroline Bellefleur, a.k.a. Mona, and find out they are RELATED, y’all! Remember when I told you they should not know each other biblically? Well, there’s no going back now, and as much as Bill wants to cut Portia off, I have a feeling this year’s Bellefleur reunion is going to be drenched in awkwardsauce.

Want more awkwardsauce? Arlene & Terry’s baby gets in trouble for writing on the wall with a marker. Buuuuuuuuuuut, the creepy thing is, we don’t know for sure if it’s the baby or Chucky, the weird doll Jessica gave the baby. Either way, the whole family gets freaked out. If it were me, first, I’d be pissed that the kid wrote on the obviously vintage wallpaper, then I’d put that baby in a gifted and talented program STAT. His penmanship and spelling are phenomenal!

While we’re on the lines of who should be in a gifted and talented program, we should bring up Tommy. Remember when he had this heart-to-heart with  Sam?–> i can’t fkin read Well, he goes back to his momma’s trailer and has another heart-to-heart, but this time, he can read! His explanation of reading is truly Emmy-worthy. Watch here: tommycanread Shortly thereafter, Joe Lee puts Tommy in a choke-hold on a chain, which is a surprise to Tommy, since his momma lied and said she left him. Didn’t see that coming. *eye roll*

Finally, we get to Marnie, Lafayette, Jesus, and Tara. Their Eric problem is now even bigger with Pam wanting her maker back to normal, and she’s relentless. As Marnie tries to recall the spell in a circle made of candles and Morton’s, the ancient Wiccan spirit that she’s called forth invades her body, and casts a  rotting corpse spell on my fav woman in latex, Pam. If that boo-boo doesn’t heal, Imma shank a witch. Nobody messes with my Pammy-poo.

So, which relaysh, incestual or not, are you looking forward to next week? Personally, I’m looking forward to more Alcide and Eric candy. Until next week, fangbangers, I leave you with these gratuitous shots of both.

♥ bullet