The Power of Words

Posted by CFmom Lisa in Featured, Lisa's Laundry List | 9 comments

When I was a little kid there was always a quick come back for when someone was picking on you. The go-to sayings were: “Stick and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me!” or “I’m rubber and you’re glue, whatever you say will bounce off of me and stick to you.” For a few years those were about the only words that my siblings and I would exchange as we just couldn’t learn how to get along without putting each other down, so I’m not knocking those sayings. However, I do think the original point in using those little retorts was supposed to be to try and teach us that the opinion of someone else shouldn’t be as important as our own opinion of ourselves. But when you’re a little kid do you really understand that? Do you really believe that words can’t hurt you?

As we grow up we begin to realize, that those sayings weren’t really true. For today’s children I think “stick and stones might break my bones, but words can REALLY hurt me,” would be a much more accurate saying to teach them. In a world where so many people live their lives on the internet, and what we say/type is out there forever, we should be encouraging a different way of thinking. Grandma’s famous golden rules: “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything,” or “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”  - are much better lessons to teach our children today. This is a time when cyber bullying isn’t a rare phenomenon anymore, and it’s no longer something that only happens to a teenager. Bullying of any kind is a horrible thing to endure, but cyber bullying is often seen as just a bunch of words. What’s so wrong about that? How can words be hurtful enough to make someone want to kill themselves?

What we should recognize is that words shape our lives from years before tweens begin texting and facebooking. As babies, words are what help us to learn to communicate with the people around us. Words can shape who we are. Good or bad – they can forever effect how we think of ourselves. That’s huge. That’s power.

A lifetime ago, I was a preschool teacher working in the three to four year old class. I shared this class with another teacher who was much older than me, and she was supposed to be “mentoring” me on how to properly shape the minds of our little, precious charges. I came back from a break early one day during the children’s nap time to find her whispering fiercely to one of the boys in our class. He was always a troubled sleeper, but he was also always quiet and would look at books or color while the other children slept. My co-teacher didn’t hear me enter the classroom, and therefore didn’t realize that I could hear her telling the little boy that he was stupid, and worthless, and ugly, and that no one could love a boy as bad as him. Horrified, I immediately asked what she was doing and her reply was, “He’s supposed to nap like everyone else and he doesn’t. I’m teaching him that bad, little boys aren’t loved.”

Yes, you read that correctly. She really said that. It didn’t matter that she was my superior at that moment: I wanted to throttle the woman. How could someone so cruel be in charge of children? I know that my mouth must have dropped open in shock as I stared at her. Then I heard a small hiccup. The little boy she had been psychologically abusing remained on the counter, still as a mouse, with big fat tears rolling down his cheeks. He had only just turned three, but he understood. Maybe not the meaning of all her words, but her tone definitely let him know that she didn’t care about him. Her words hurt him. Her words hurt me too.

I picked him up, ignoring her comments that I coddled the children too much, and cradled him to my chest as I left the room and went straight to the director’s office. It took an investigation, but yes, she was fired. I’m afraid however, that her dismissal didn’t dismiss those hurtful words away for the little boy. Her words stuck with him. I saw how it changed him. I spent months encouraging him, loving him, telling him he was smart and loved, and always praising him to his mother when she picked him up. In class, I was often rewarded with a smile, or on a rare occasion even a laugh, but it took work: a lot of work. I’ve thought of that little boy often over the years, wondering how he turned out, and hoping he never experienced that kind of verbal abuse again. At three years old could he have been young enough to have forgotten that experience, or did it still resonate in him down somewhere deep?

There is so much anger out there in the world today: anger over the economy, anger over the government, anger over the unfairness of life, anger over this fandom or that fandom, and even anger over the end of Harry Potter. Yes, people are angry about that, as silly as it sounds. And nothing is wrong with being angry. Anger is a healthy emotion to have as long as we don’t let it get out of control, and frankly, I’m not sure people truly realize how hurtful the angry words that they type out to express themselves can be, especially when they direct their anger onto someone else. I don’t know if people realize that 140 characters can form enough words to destroy a person. Think about that. It doesn’t take much.

Hurtful words take a lot longer to forget than loving words. Why is that? Since words are so powerful, why don’t more people use them for good? Happiness, optimism, and love are all much easier emotions to feel so why aren’t more people using the power of words to spread that message. Aren’t we worth it? I happen to think we are, and I know that I always strive to be very mindful of what I put out there when I use my words. I try to use words of comfort, even when I’m saying something people might not want to hear, to help cushion that initial blow of being hurt. I’m not always successful. Misunderstandings happen, tempers flare, and especially in an email or text there is always room for content to be misconstrued. I’ll be the firs to admit that I’m far from perfect, but no matter how angry or bitter I may be over something or even at someone – I never forget that little boy. And because I never forget him, I also never forget that words have the power to hurt or the power to heal.

Which will you choose?

Until next time,

~Lisa