Drowning Instinct, by Ilsa J. Bick
Drowning Instinct
@ilsajbick
Release date: Februray 2012
There are stories where the girl gets her prince, and they live happily ever after. (This is not one of those stories.)
Jenna Lord’s first sixteen years were not exactly a fairytale. Her father is a controlling psycho and her mother is a drunk. She used to count on her older brother—until he shipped off to Afghanistan. And then, of course, there was the time she almost died in a fire.
There are stories where the monster gets the girl, and we all shed tears for his innocent victim. (This is not one of those stories either.)
Mitch Anderson is many things: A dedicated teacher and coach. A caring husband. A man with a certain…magnetism.
And there are stories where it’s hard to be sure who’s a prince and who’s a monster, who is a victim and who should live happily ever after. (These are the most interesting stories of all.)
Drowning Instinct is a novel of pain, deception, desperation, and love against the odds—and the rules.
To be perfectly honest, I had no idea what this book was about when I requested it from NetGalley. I knew how I felt about the author’s book, Ashes, so I automatically requested it out of the need to read more of her writing. It wasn’t really even until about 70 pages in that I got the “uh-0h” vibe from Jenna’s teacher, Mr. Anderson that I even went I read the book info. To say the book drew me in is an understatement, because one of the things I have a habit of doing if a book doesn’t interest me is looking at the page count. If I don’t like I book, I’ll think man, I’m only on page 3 of 4392? With this book, I got to reading in bed one night and I looked down out of curiosity to see what page I was on. I was on page 78. Out of 352. Yup, I’d be sticking with this one.
From this point on…there may probably be spoilers….
The book begins with Jenna being pulled from a frozen lake and asking the police detective if she is going to jail. The detective in charge is a nice man, and for some reason I imagine him to be an older version of Det. Stabler, but maybe that’s just me. Knowing she’s going to be in the ER room for a little while, he gives her a digital recorder and tells her to simply tell her story. He then reassures her that things will be okay. There is no information given as to why she’s in the ER (other than being close to hypothermia) and that adds a lot of mystery. So, Jenna begins her story.
She’s a cutter. She’s been in a psych ward. Now, desperate for a “fresh start”, her parents move her and enroll her in a new school. Her dad is a prominent surgeon, her mom is an alcoholic book store owner and Jenna is something of a science wiz. Her story begins innocuously enough, and for awhile I really thought it was going to be more about her relationship with her fractured family. Her narrative is sassy, witty and concise. She is telling the story with what is on her mind at that very moment.
Her first day at school is typical for a new student, and of course, there is that friendlier-than-probably-should-be teacher that comes to Jenna’s resuce. I don’t know if the book ever stated Mr. Anderson’s age, but Jenna is 16, so there is the potential for disaster.
side note: I need to insert a story here. When I was a Junior in High School, I was 16. There was a new English teacher, fresh out of college. He was 22, handsome, smart and idealistic. Click that little arrow to read the rest of this story...
It takes awhile for the book to make it clear that Jenna is barrelling head first into an inappropriate relationship with Mr. Anderson. Along the way, there are many warning signs, but Jenna is mostly focusing on the story as she lived it, which was free of the red flags we as the reader see. There are a few supporting characters: David, the Student Council president; Danielle, David’s snobby, bitchy, but obviously troubled girlfriend; Jenna’s parents (Psycho-Dad and Alcoholic Mom) and Meryl, a famous author friend of Jenna’s mom. Jenna’s brother Matt also plays a part, although, she tells us, he is stationed in the Middle East and their communication is through a private email set up on a ghost server so her mom doesn’t find out they are emailing in and freak out. It takes almost half of the book to really understand WHY Jenna’s mom would freak out about said communication. And when you as a reader figure it out, it will send a chill up your spine.
Eventually, Jenna realizes that she has crossed a line with Mr. Anderson and she has no idea how to turn back. She has no idea how to begin assigned seating and stand outside in the hallway across from the office, if you will. And what’s really scary is that, I started rooting for them! Mr. Anderson is everything a 16 year old girl should stay away from. He’s married, but his wife is mysteriously absent. He has a secret room in the back of the chemistry store room that he uses for naps after runs, because, you know he’s the Girl’s Cross Country coach. There are tons of red flags but you can’t focus on them because it’s Jenna’s story and she doesn’t see them. I’m not entirely sure she understood how horrible the situation was until she was dictating the story into the detective’s digital recorder.
About 2/3 through the book, the relationship between Mr. Anderson and Jenna goes tumbling over the ledge and it’s so sad and heartfelt and raw and emotional that…I felt bad for feeling the way I felt towards the characters. I would get into their story until I realized, holy crap she’s 16; this is SO NOT RIGHT! Even near the end when Jenna starts putting the pieces together about what is truth and what is a lie, you feel like Mr. Anderson might even be justified in his actions. It’s dispicable, but there are so many other forces at work, that it’s almost impossible to draw a right/wrong line in the sand. It’s a thought provoking book to say the very least.
The ending is extremely powerful. Jenna’s life has begun to unravel in 12 hour period and she makes some split second decisions that, at first might be bad, but in the end, saved her life. The fate of Mr. Anderson is up in the air as the book ends, and that is the point. The reader has to take all of this information that has been thrown out and make sense of their feelings about it. I finished this book 8 hours ago, and I’m still having a hard time reconciling my feelings and thoughts. At the very end of the book, Jenna makes a decision that some people would say is cowardly and stupid. But, you know…I wanted to give her a high five. It might be perceived as trying to protect a predator, but I saw it as an empowering move. I think she was protecting herself and Mr. Anderson’s estranged wife more than she was protecting him. For her entire life, Jenna was kept under a microscope and told every move to make. She was never allowed to think or feel for herself, which, in my opinion is probably what led to her cutting problem – that was the only thing she had any control over and it became the outlet she needed to take control of her life. Her decision at the end of the book was her way of saying, “this is my life and it’s time for everyone else to stop trying to control me.” She was taking control and she was braver for it. And, I really believe she was saving lives and not damning them.
The point is, as the author pointed out to me on Twitter, there is a ton of ambiguity there, and for good reason. The reader has to come to terms with the fact that sometimes, stories aren’t so cut and dry. There is often more than meets the eye and we have to examine all possibilities.
Drowning Instinct gets an easy 5 moons from me
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